Saturday, December 15, 2012

Frozen Yesterday


I tied his little-kid size 12 gray converse shoes
while he crunched almonds
and bragged between swallows
about beating me at Go Fish.
I hid my grin
and tried to look disappointed
for losing.

Zipping up his green hoodie
we left
for afternoon Kindergarten
at 11:55.
He was concerned
that his friend wouldn’t be at school—
he’d made a paper Christmas tree
and put it into an envelope,
scotch-taped a blue candy cane to the outside
for a little present.

Walking him to the line,
I said “have a great day, buddy,”
then waved and watched as he walked through the doors,
backpack almost as big as he is, bouncing.

I thought of how many parents did this today,
leaving their hearts
in a five year old body
on cold tile floors.

And I couldn’t leave the parking lot.



Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner 

Dear God, dear God…more tears than words for all who are gripped in this horrific tragedy in Newtown, CT.
Got the jump on this prompt with Brian’s post yesterday.  Linking up with the amazing poets at dVerse Poetics.  I'll also be linking to The Poetry Pantry.


When words are few, perhaps there is a song.


65 comments:

Claudia said...

tears...unbelievable what the parents of these kids are going through..i only have one of my kids still in school but my eldest daughter is going to be a teacher soon...so...felt..

Daydreamertoo said...

It is too horrific to get our heads around, I cannot imagine what it must be like for everyone who has lost a child or a loved one there.
It seems almost unbelievable and yet, sadly, is all too real.
This hits home, hard.

Brian Miller said...

oh heavy heart....the innocence of the scene...letting him beat you ...tying the shoe....letting him go...but then after yesterday how hard it would be not to just sit there and wait for the hours....def an emotional piece many will feel come school time monday...

Susan Daniels said...

Oh, God, Jennifer. You hit it here. Exactly how I felt. Hugged my first grader like nothing when he came home safe, while my heart broke for those parent's that couldn't do that again.

Grace said...

Great details here....but I think our hearts are frozen from yesterday's events (post title is perfect)...powerful share ~

Barbara said...

They say once you deliver a child, your heart is forever outside your body. You captured that feeling. Not wanting to leave the parking lot. Thank you for this poem, Jennifer. Well done!

Laurie Kolp said...

Wow, Jennifer... this definitely punches in the gut. I am so sad about the whole thing, too.

Wendy Bourke said...

Such aching barbaric cruelty. I turned the TV set off and spent the hours listening to soft light classical music and recordings of sounds in nature trying to find a ray of light to focus on, in a day where there was only darkness.

Mary said...

So very sad, Jennifer. I am sure many parents felt the same. We take the safety of school for granted....and now this~! Your sentiments are well expressed.

Anonymous said...

Many will feel the same...not wanting to leave parking lots. It's so sad, and you capture the feelings so well in your poem.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh yes. Hard to leave the parking lot today, trusting children will be safe in school. Sad and beautiful, and hits the heart of any mother.

my heart's love songs said...

" I thought of how many parents did this today,
leaving their hearts
in a five year old body
on cold tile floors."

unfathomable.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Unbelievable...I know, right? I am still trying to process it, I am heartbroken for the grieving...

Jennifer Wagner said...

I cannot imagine it either...so crushing...thanks Bren.

Jennifer Wagner said...

I sat there thinking...I'm just going to go in and say I forgot about dental appointments I had made or something and pull him (and my older ones) out of school. What those people must be going through right now, ugh, breaks my heart.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Whew...me too...

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Grace, I'm not sure about the write...one of those that I don't feel totally settled with. I so appreciate your comment.

Jennifer Wagner said...

"They" are right on, aren't they? I really almost went back to get him. Thanks so much for your kind words Barbara!

Jennifer Wagner said...

So tragic...thanks for commenting Laurie, always appreciate it.

Jennifer Wagner said...

I took the news in snippets just for updates, it was just too much. Great idea to put your focus on something beautiful.

Jennifer Wagner said...

You are absolutely correct we take the safety at our schools for granted much of the time. My son's school has had a program for the last couple of years where dads of students volunteer for the day as "watchdogs" which does make things feel a little safer...but only just a little. Thank you for your comment Mary.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you very much Di.

Anonymous said...

The emotional and visual description is amazing. Details were perfect and human, well done.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Sherry. I loved your piece for Brian's prompt...quite soothing.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Indeed. Thank you for commenting Dani.

Anonymous said...

This is so strong, and captures the terror of what happened. I find it hard to think about it, yet alone reflect and write.

Abin Chakraborty said...

we've read about the tragedy as well and the whole thing seems so gruesomely absurd. ur poem captures the agony and shock of this disaster well.

Unknown said...

Nothing will be the same - how will we just wave goodbye to our kids and not have that moments hesitation before we walk away? Your words have captured the feeling of many.

Mary said...

Wow, it is amazing that we need 'watchdogs,' isn't it? I don't like a lot of the changes that have taken place in the world since I was a kid!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Beautifully done. Heartbreaking ending.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

What an apropos poem. So perfect for what we're all feeling at this moment.

pamela J. peterson said...

I loved your poem. I believe God showed me a glimpse of these children in heaven with him before the tragedy took place. I wrote my experience in my last post on inkspiring19.com. My hope is somehow with interet highways this post could be read by the grieving parents to give them some comfort. Please read it and reblog it if you were encouraged by it. The title is, "Children of Compassion"

aelfbee said...

Three things have made me cry: the children told to close their eyes, thinking of the first responders who couldn't, and your lines of the parents

"leaving their hearts
in a five year old body
on cold tile floors"

Serena said...

Awesome, beautiful, powerful... my heart breaks reading this... I needed to write something and I really couldn't, and then I see you've said it all...

Janine Bollée said...

Yes, even on a normal day we have that feeling. Now the emotion is multiplied so many times.

Preeti S. said...

un-abating grief. I can't even begin to understand its extent.

Unknown said...

The loving normalcy in your opening stanzas gave me hope and reassurance. We must offer that to one another now. We must shine our lights in the darkness.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Oh this makes me ache. Beautiful write

Lolly said...

Poet Laundry, you create such vivid pictures and you know the heart of a mother. As a mom who raised to boys I lived the normalcy of the opening lines and I too have had the very same thoughts regarding the tragedy as you expressed in this beautiful poem.

RMP said...

a beautiful write. all this craziness makes you want to hold a little tighter...hold a little longer...never let go.

Laura said...

every day is a gift, times like these remind us how easy it is to forget that in the hurriedness of life.

WabiSabi said...

Your details about getting ready to go to school, the sneakers, the backpack, brought me to tears and I could so picture myself not leaving the parking lot. Well done poem.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

You captured this oh so well. Beautifully done.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks so much Jack.

Jennifer Wagner said...

I find it hard to think about as well...

Jennifer Wagner said...

Agony...the perfect word.

Jennifer Wagner said...

I do agree...nothing will be the same...tragic.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you Rosemary.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Keith.

Jennifer Wagner said...

I read your post, Wow! I hope it is encouraging to those who read it...thanks so much for sharing it Pamela.

Jennifer Wagner said...

I can't shake the thought...thank you Libby, I so appreciate you commenting.

Jennifer Wagner said...

It is so hard to write about, isn't it? I thought your post nailed what so many of us are wrestling with right now. We are broken. Thank you.

Jennifer Wagner said...

True...

Jennifer Wagner said...

Oh yes...I can't either...

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Audrey...aching with you.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you Lolly...those poor mothers, I ache for their grief.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Indeed...and never take things for granted. Thank you.

Jennifer Wagner said...

It feels as if the sun should not even shine. But yes, the light of love in this darkness is so needed. Thank you Kim.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Great reminder Laura.

Jennifer Wagner said...

I felt like I should just have kept him home. Oh, so hard...thank you very much.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you very much Mad.

Lisa Williams said...

So beautiful,Jennifer. I feel as though my heart stopped that day and the sadness the loss of those children has left us with. My youngest daughter is in 11th grade and walking her out to the bus was very difficult. Such a tragedy.

ayala said...

A great capture of what all of us are feeling.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you Lisa. Letting them go into the world is hard enough. And now after this it is even more difficult isn't it?

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you ayala...wish we didn't have to feel it...