Pinions

 

 

If not for

the twig-nest

of our twined fingers,

 

and the threefold cord

we’ve kept

to cup

 

in prayer

long midnights—

as hope has crashed

 

and risen—

and the bright blue shells

we’ve been given

 

last to hatch

unbroken by anything

but song—

 

if not but for

the soft-feathered provision

of Your constant love.

 

 

© 2025 Jennifer Wagner

 

Poetic Bloomings:  write an “If not for (blank)” poem

Day 14

 

American Robins lay bright blue eggs, three to five per clutch, with four being the most common. 

This “American Robin” has had four in her “clutch.”  We’ve raised three to adulthood, with our fourth nearly there.  We’ve been through much—depression, addictions, overdose, losing loved ones to suicide, the long-term effects of PTSD/I, etc.  This list is not exhaustive.  It’s hard to be a parent, it’s hard to be a child—it’s hard to be a person—life can be filled with so much pain.  But there is so much beauty, too.  In part, that’s why I’m using birds in my poetry so much this month.  And for me, I could not have sustained any of it without the Master Brood-keeper.

“He will cover you with his pinions (feathers), and under his wings you will find refuge;” Psalm 91:4a

 

The Knife Flower

 

There it was

sticking up from the soil

like a skeletal hand from the crypt.

 

I didn’t expect it,

and to be honest,

I had stopped looking down

for quite a while.

 

It split my heel open

and curled around my ankle—

how could I

let it do me like this?

 

Strong

hold.

 

And now,

this ghost snake

has coiled around my insides—

my demons

 

barking out

ancient names

as if they’re in charge.

 

I can’t stop the tremoring

of a thin flame running through me,

a living Siberian ice maiden

with mercury blade.

 

It seems

this grief has no rules

and neither do

the nightmares I feel condemned to relive

 

while the mirror of my self-respect

asks me

if I really want to keep

doing this to myself.

 

Do you?

        Do you?

                Do you?

 

Just

stop.

 

Stop.

 

But, torment, too,

has no rules

when you’re split in two,

 

offering no answers

to questions

I can’t quite

bring myself to ask—

 

the mirrored me

begging to fracture completely

the us

I am

 

or bury the pretty,

dead-white, petal fist

in mudblood

 

until I am whole, and strong

enough,

to crush it

 

again.

 

 

© 2025 Jennifer Wagner

 

OLN #376

Alone, But Not

 

There are no rules.

 

But there are,

aren’t there?

 

When nothing hurts worse

than breathing

in,

out,

in, out.

 

When my days are all

fogged-up

like the windows

of the pickup truck

I borrowed

to get to work

in the rain

 

when I decided I was going

to keep going.

 

To breathe

in,

out,

in, out.

 

And keep moving forward—

 

to pick up my son at daycare,

to make dinner,

and go to bed

 

saving my trips

to the abandoned churchyard

where I screamed

with only God listening

for later.

 

I know there are rules.

 

Remember

the magpies, the only things

in black and white,

where we searched

for the perfect fishing spot?

 

But it wasn’t perfect,

was it?

 

Fish were caught,

but every step was steep

on the way down,

on the way up.

One slip—

 

And now, how

we feel like fakes

 

after so many years

of victories

in our pockets,

or wearing them

like badges,

 

we’re shaken like game dice

held in a dixie cup

 

and rolled out,

in,

out,

in, out.

 

It’s a game of numbers,

they tell us,

and we keep moving forward,

 

as our old answers

seem puny

 

against this storm,

playing chicken

with the rules,

 

navigating

with no one listening

but God.

 

 

© 2024 Jennifer Wagner

 

 

Late to Shay’s Word List Party at the Word Garden