There it was
sticking up from the soil
like a skeletal hand from the crypt.
I didn’t expect it,
and to be honest,
I had stopped looking down
for quite a while.
It split my heel open
and curled around my ankle—
how could I
let it do me like this?
Strong
hold.
And now,
this ghost snake
has coiled around my insides—
my demons
barking out
ancient names
as if they’re in charge.
I can’t stop the tremoring
of a thin flame running through me,
a living Siberian ice maiden
with mercury blade.
It seems
this grief has no rules
and neither do
the nightmares I feel condemned to relive
while the mirror of my self-respect
asks me
if I really want to keep
doing this to myself.
Do you?
Do you?
Do you?
Just
stop.
Stop.
But, torment, too,
has no rules
when you’re split in two,
offering no answers
to questions
I can’t quite
bring myself to ask—
the mirrored me
begging to fracture completely
the us
I am
or bury the pretty,
dead-white, petal fist
in mudblood
until I am whole, and strong
enough,
to crush it
again.
© 2025 Jennifer Wagner
Goodness this is poignant ~
ReplyDeletethose ghost snakes are relentless. and no, grief has no rules.
ReplyDeletefantastic title, too. ~
I love the way you began with a shocking image, Jennifer, and in such a conversational tone built it up so subtly. I love the phrases ‘a living Siberian ice maiden with mercury blade’ and ‘bury the pretty, dead-white, petal fist in mudblood’. A powerful poem about how grief creeps up on you.
ReplyDeleteYou got this! Nothing dead is stronger than the life and light inside you.
ReplyDeleteWonderful Jennifer — love you friend… 🙂
ReplyDeleteThis is so nighmarish image... the torture without rules (expect the pain)
ReplyDeleteLike the whole story here, from the beginning right through to the end, Jennifer. Simply gorgeous writing. It also gave me the Stephen King feels! In that everything seems fine until one day, the most innocuous thing has you gripped, unable to escape. So glad you crushed it! I've no doubt you will keep crushing it 🩷
ReplyDeleteWhat a compelling write, Jennifer! I love "until I am whole, and strong
ReplyDeleteenough,
to crush it
again."
I'm not sure what, exactly, this split you describe is, but I do know intimately what it is to fight off a destroying impulse. It takes everything you've got and then some. Such destroyers are patient and hit you at your weakest, but they are also like vampires in that, ultimately (and in my own experience, not presuming to speak for you) they have to be invited in, despite all their seeming power.
ReplyDeleteSo many perfections of imagery enclosing every fracturing pain and torment of memory and piercing sorrow, Jennifer, I literally held my breath reading. This really got to me as I knew it so well:
ReplyDelete"this ghost snake
has coiled around my insides—
my demons
barking out
ancient names
as if they’re in charge."