You must
know
when ghosts
jingle loose change in their pockets,
and it
sounds like Heaven’s bells,
it’s really
just an old thought in a dirty shirt
doused in Dolce
& Gabbana to mask the death wretch.
And yet, it
sends you
right back
there
in those
moments of what
you don’t
want to be.
You leave things
behind,
but ghosts,
they return
in a
stranger’s hands,
mannerisms,
mouth, hair.
It seems you
get pulled back
so easy.
A bad day,
not enough sleep,
and you are there—
holding
hands with the haunts
playing ‘Ring
Around the Rosie’
or singing
don’t need ‘Nothin’ But a Good Time’
by Poison,
and it is,
but it’s catchy,
and you
start to want them back—
laughing, like
the tune meant anything good.
You’ve
outgrown them,
yes,
like those jeans
you wore
—back when.
But they’re
familiar
and that is comforting
when you
don’t know what comes next.
Until
you realize they
really are too small
to fit your
Grown Up
Responsible Life.
The one
where it’s not just you anymore
and you know
it.
Of course
you do,
you’ve
earned it,
every
day
by mud sucking
and light
swigging
day.
You can
point to every scar,
stretch
mark,
every smoky
kohl black eyeliner pillow smear.
You’ve
fought in too many wars,
sacrificed
too much to get here.
Scraped and
scrapped
and dug the
hell out of your pride when
you had to.
You’re that
much bigger now
for all that
journeying.
But Oh to try
them on again,
for just a
few minutes—
gazing at
yourself in the mirrored
hall of
yesteryear
pretending
you’d still look good
in it.
Copyright ©
2013 Jennifer Wagner
I'm linking up to the dVerse Poets Pub for OpenLinkNight...the doors opened yesterday but they haven't closed yet so I am sliding on in to join the party!
smiles....i like the close...
ReplyDeleteYou leave things behind,
but ghosts,
they return
in a stranger’s hands,
mannerisms,
mouth, hair.
so true..that is almost a poem itself...on the ghosts and memories...and seeing them in others....
really like though how it has been earned...and fought for...for sure...
A great write. Strong and I love it !
ReplyDeleteI like this. It flows really well.
ReplyDeleteI hear you about putting on those jeans of yesteryear. I have some of these jeans as well. And if they are a little bit tight, well c'est la vie! Smiles
ReplyDeleteOh yes I know this one... Recently went clothes shopping for a wedding, stupidly thinking I can get away with wearing some of the latest fashions...a big NAH...it was demoralising...sometimes no matter how you wish, or what your mind thinks you just can't go back. I loved an old thought in a dirty shirt...kinda sums it up! Terrific!!!
ReplyDeleteOh so many phrases that I loved in this, and the analogy of those beloved old jeans that just don't fit anymore--and your last stanza tied it together perfectly :-)
ReplyDeleteThe title was worth the price of admission and I love the idea of ghosts jingling change in their pockets.
ReplyDeleteAll those yesterdays buried in a coffin of memories, cat-calling us, mocking us, maybe even rebuking us for who we've become. But were those days truly better, or is that just the rose-tinted glasses?
ReplyDeleteI love how yoyu've tied all this together.
This is superb! Those old comforts, a friend, a lover, the songs of your youth.Pull out that box of memories and it suddenly becomes a guage as to how far you've come.
ReplyDeleteBeing a grown-up can be so challenging.
ReplyDeleteI love this Jennifer. The things we've outgrown and left behind, so many in fact yet sometimes how we wish to go back for just a little while before we lived our grownup lives. Amazing poem!
ReplyDeleteA terrific trip through some of your yesterdays Jennifer. Really intriguing title and memories :-)
ReplyDeleteThat title is superb, and as usual your ending is sharp, succinct, and spot on.
ReplyDeleteThis is powerful. I remember those jeans...sigh.
ReplyDeletea superb poem :)
ReplyDeleteLots of truth and power in this poem.
ReplyDelete