Notes from the Bloodwater

What you don’t know is

the wolves came when I was much too young

and sunk their teeth into the deep of me and left a hole.

The surgeries to repair the damage

have not yet gone far enough,

and so I carry this wreckage around inside

where I’ve hidden them

and stretched Kevlar over the scars.

Sometimes I strip it off

and break things in half

to produce a rough edge

and cut the stitching open again

to watch the blood flow

down the shower drain.

Sometimes I make suggestive

remarks to a near stranger

and show a little too much cleavage

while gazing intently at their mouth.

Male or female, it doesn’t matter,

it’s a heart I’m looking for,

since mine is near drained.

I have this counselor

who loves me, I think.

Or else she is just really good

at letting her eyes well up with tears

when I tell my stories.

She says to not stop wanting connection,

to not stop looking to God

for love,

to safe people, for love too.

But God, I fear, allows things

I am still struggling to understand.

And safe people, well,

most days I think it is safer

to love the oil slick street after rain.

Jesus, she once said to me,

understands being bloodless

and mangled and left with holes.

And he wasn’t even repulsed by a girl like me.

I haven’t told anyone yet

but I’m beginning to think maybe I could like a guy like that.

© 2013 Jennifer Wagner

Remember Boys

Remember boys

Are tender souls

With mud stains

And Xbox games

Running fast

Looking back

Sword fights

Movie nights

Flexing muscles

Soda burps

Green slime snakes

And broken plates

Little men
In the making

Make my heart melt

With “Mom, I love you”

Little men

In the shaping

Their growing pains

Are mine too

Remember boys

Are tender souls

With dirty hands

And…pure hearts

© 2007 Jennifer Wagner

For the boys who delight me daily.  I am so grateful to be your Mom!  I wrote this not long after the birth of my youngest son in 2007.  I often cringe when I read my past work but the sentiment is there so I’m pulling it out of the archives to submit it to The Poetry Pantry:  Mothers Around the World.  Happy Mother’s Day to all moms…hope you have a beautiful day!

Delphinium

late spring in the meadow

deep blue larkspur

unruffled by the breeze

 © 2013 Jennifer Wagner

 For Carpe Diem Special:  Spring Breeze

Objects May Appear Out of Focus

as if beauty belongs to youth alone

and is not earned in the lines of skin lived and

held tight to truths within

where one size could never fit all

© 2013 Jennifer Wagner

A little short submitted to Poets United:  The Poetry Pantry

In Bed Together, Alone (Into Me See)

There was always a little booze

to get the tongue loose,

and sex

to bridge the bodily gap.

But once all the highballs

were emptied,

and they cracked the night

with a breath of sunlight,

bare skin prickled

against the the hollow-boned touch

of dying whispers

too hoarse to rise above

what they never said.

© 2013 Jennifer Wagner

“Partners in a relationship can begin to lose their romantic and sexual passion for each other when they begin showing less and less of their true feelings to each other. This lack of ongoing "into-me-see" can occur because of fear of how the other person will react, lingering resentment, or simply emotional laziness. Much like tending a garden, ongoing intimacy requires persistent effort, but in both cases the fruit that blooms as a result of such loving dedication is well worth the effort. It is quite possible for two people in a relationship to continue to grow as individuals who are capable of revealing ever-deeper aspects of themselves to their partner. In this way there are always new qualities of a person to be known and loved, which is the best insurance for maintaining sexual passion no matter how long the couple has been together.

The quality of your life is enhanced immeasurably by developing and maintaining relationships with people who you allow deeply into your heart, mind and soul. Remember that secrets and emotional isolation are the enemies of intimacy. The ability to be intimate with another person is like a muscle that becomes weak when it is under-exercised. Use it or lose it!” –Bill Herring LCSW, CSAT

"The opposite of loneliness, it's not togetherness. It is intimacy." -Richard Bach

for dVerse OpenLinkNight