He sat
in front of me
in
third grade
and
turned and stuck his tongue out.
His
mom later told mine
he had
a crush on me.
I did
not like either of these things.
I
didn't know why
he
called me
when
his dad called him
from
the drunk tank--
unsure
and hurting, preteen boy,
abandonment
in his voice.
When
bullies
carried
him
into
the bathroom
I saw
his scared/brave smile
trying
to laugh
at
this brand of middle school hell, and walk out,
hair
wet and freshly “swirlied.”
I
ignored him all school year long
then
let him kiss me on a dare
in
summer.
I
could have gotten out of it.
Never
told him it was my first.
Started
dating his cousin, the next day.
Walking
across the field
from
the annex
in
high school,
I
heard the sirens, saw the lights,
knew
it was him, somehow.
Weeks
later,
peering
through
the
screen door at dusk, he appeared
needing
to talk.
The
overdose
had
made him sober, changed,
at
least for a while.
His
sad, teary eyes,
that
lonesome ache in his voice,
and
could he,
“come
over tomorrow?”
“No,”
I said.
And
had to say it again.
I
knew it, then,
when
my dad asked,
“what
did he want?”
Though
I shrugged and said I didn't know,
I
said to myself, “a savior.”
And
learned
for
the first time
that
sometimes
you
have to say no
as
much for someone else
as
for yourself.
©
2015 Jennifer Wagner
9 comments:
This is immediate, so well-observed, heart wrenching, and true. This poem impresses me immensely.
What a gut wrenching write - amazing work!
This poem takes my heart on a journey of emotions I've experienced in slightly different ways. I can't tell you how much I like this poem.
Such an authentic, honest poem. Yes, heart-wrenching. Thanks for sharing this with us.
This is epically beautiful, Jennifer. So poignant and moving ... the ache of regret - that we cannot save everyone - still tender and raw after the passage of so many years. One of my fav's of yours. An important piece.
Jennifer, your most powerful lines are always at the end. These made me inhale with, 'oh my gosh.' So moving. Good job!
Wow, Jennifer~ This really tugs on my heart strings-but sometimes we can't fill someone needs. The pain is in knowing this~ So, much pain-in sadness and fear! Well written~
This poem is so raw with all those emotions of things that could have been.. and sometimes saviors sink...the closing is perfect
etched - no, carved - deeply ~
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