Amanda Marie

We line pebbles

on the path,

one

for each day,

and hope for more.

Our eyes rove

the swish of leaves

in the verdant lushness

of treetops,

the bright snaps

of daisies,

the flitting burst

of butterflies

that land soft on our arms

and legs

and flip-flopped toes,

the swell

of the ocean,

dolphin-dipped

with joy.

We watch

the sky burn pink

when night falls

and the stars begin to dance;

and contemplate

how all this reminds us

of how love’s branches budded

to bring us your smile.

Maybe tonight

Gavin and Cassidy and Sawyer

will dream

of their mother’s eyes,

Derik, her voice at his ear,

and Susan

of her little girl

so brave, so strong.

Something like

God’s lovenotes

dropped

even when

we’re not looking.

And what we thought

were scattered pebbles

lost in this life’s storm

are picked up

and churned with God’s tears

and our own,

placed in His bottle

these new-polished pebbles

are jewels

close to His heart,

treasured and unforgotten,

until we see

your smile bright again

and are

together

Home.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.”  Psalm 56:8 NLT

© 2014 Jennifer Wagner

Behind the poem:  a few days ago my sister asked me if I could write a poem for her sister-in-law’s daughter, Amanda, who had been a given a prognosis of two weeks to live, as a special gift to her family.  She survived leukemia as a young child and had more recently been diagnosed with cancer again.  Yesterday she passed away.  She was 31 and has three children who are 8, 6, and 4 years old.  This poem is for her, for them, the man she shared her life with, her faith-filled mom, and all her family and friends who love her and wait for the day they will be together again.  With love and prayers for comfort and peace. ~ Jen

no matter how you spell it...

photo © 2014 jennifer wagner

if i could

i would

break off

a piece

of the sun

to give

to you

© 2014 Jennifer Wagner

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mother’s hearts out there!

© 2014 chalk sketch by me and my 6 year old.  He loves his family…we’ll keep working on the spelling…smiles…

friend

photo © 2014 jennifer wagner

extra treats,

longer hugs.

laryngeal paralysis

& age

are taking you

into

the next phase.

we mentally

try to hear

the future

empty

of hefty paws

padding the floor,

and your bones

groaning

with the creaking of the stairs.

we say things like:

remember when he stole that entire ham?

           

we’ll never have another dog

like him.

           

he’s happy;

he’s had a good life.

           

i want to be the one to dig his grave,

when you know,

“it”

comes.

your slow-wag tail,

your chocolate eyes

melt us

and each of us

searches

for how

we can learn to say,

do svidaniya, drug.

© 2014 Jennifer Wagner

I’ve been working on this one for a while.  Too emotional.  Our big, mellow Labrador, Druke, is 13 years old and the signs are all there.  “Druke” is how we spell his name, pronounced “drug/droogk” meaning “friend” in Russian.

до свидания, друг

Poetry Jam:  Letting Go

Poets United Midweek Motif:  In Two or More Languages

Cute

i don’t want to be cute!

i hate being adorable!

when you want to

have muscles

and body hair

and drive a car

this is,

to a boy of six

with three older brothers—

a curse.

the curse of cuteness.

ok,

what do you

want to be?

with no hesitation,

all gumption and flash,

the reply: 

scary!

i laugh, and quickly try to stifle it—

because he really means it

and

because

i do

get what he’s saying—

he wants to be taken seriously

around here,

a mustachioed man/ninja/t-rex

to be reckoned with,

even if i do still help him

to put on his belt

and slick down the cowlick

on the back of his head.

i nod,

as somber and intent

as if i am making

a most grave and

solemn vow.

but

just between you and me—

he’s still so cute

it’s scary.

© 2014 Jennifer Wagner

shared at poets united poetry pantry

Fourteen

Like a classic car,

or old school stuff

that never goes out of style,

like when people say, in admiration,

“they just don’t make ‘em like that anymore”

you

make me grin

and say to myself,

yes, they do.

© 2014 Jennifer Wagner

An instant classic.   

I know, I know, spoken like a Mom.  But what can I say?  I adore the kid.  He celebrated his 14th birthday this weekend.  

Photo © 2014 Jennifer Wagner

Amaranthine

photo © 2013 Jennifer Wagner

Just outside this circle of light

the mood of sky is darkening

as sprinkles of rain are turning to floods.

I feel I won’t drown this time,

awash in ash, as deep autumn burns out,

thrusting the baton to barrenness.

Stained on the caverns of my heart

are four amaranthine trees.

Their branches and leaves are arms and handprints,

shoring up each chamber.

Their colors are lanterns,

bright and glowing.

This heart has been made rich and fertile;

this ship has beacons, reasons,

to remain buoyed and sustained.

By them I am helped to weave my way,

even when the dark bleeds thick

upon my mind, poisonous and looting.

I have found in their eyes

warm respite from the seeping cold of lifeless hollows

and cradle the hope that is anchored

in the breath and vitality

that each of their smiles light

to bring me home.

© 2013 Jennifer Wagner

For my four sons and all they have had to understand in my struggle with depression.  Ever yours ~ Mom.

Remember Boys

Remember boys

Are tender souls

With mud stains

And Xbox games

Running fast

Looking back

Sword fights

Movie nights

Flexing muscles

Soda burps

Green slime snakes

And broken plates

Little men
In the making

Make my heart melt

With “Mom, I love you”

Little men

In the shaping

Their growing pains

Are mine too

Remember boys

Are tender souls

With dirty hands

And…pure hearts

© 2007 Jennifer Wagner

For the boys who delight me daily.  I am so grateful to be your Mom!  I wrote this not long after the birth of my youngest son in 2007.  I often cringe when I read my past work but the sentiment is there so I’m pulling it out of the archives to submit it to The Poetry Pantry:  Mothers Around the World.  Happy Mother’s Day to all moms…hope you have a beautiful day!

Westport Beach

cherry blossoms and butterflies

get stuck in my throat

today, and every time,

a just right spring blows

the salt wind and dark wave

against my memory

and across my bare toes

to unbury thoughts of pebbles and sand

and running and laughing

and six year old you

Copyright © 2013 Jennifer Wagner

For Andrew.  On a day like today.

The Beginning of a Poem

your life

began

as a song to me

your tender heart

beat

and when

your smile

was all i had

to get out

of bed

it was enough

Copyright 2013 Jennifer Wagner

for Andrew

dVerse OpenLinkNight 

Wild Peaches and the River

 She tucked me into bed,

wrapped me in

an age-worn quilt

and I slept like the baby I nearly was.

When I woke,

I pulled the quilt around me

and tiptoed across the old wood floors

covered with braided rugs.

Rubbing sleep from my eyes,

I entered the kitchen

and watched her sitting at the farm table,

with a cup of steaming coffee, slicing a wild peach.

Her hands were still strong then;

and even now I never see a peach,

smell one, taste one,

without thinking of her.

She laughed, her mellow way, eyes crinkling,

when I said how much I liked the sweetness

but not the fuzzy skin which poked

like a prickly moustache against my mouth.

Overheard her saying, later

that she ‘got tickled’

when I’d said the pigs rooting in the pen

looked like they had ribbons in their tails.

When I’d trailed her

to the rabbit cages

and saw a mama rabbit

eat her own baby

she didn’t shield me

from the horror of it,

but let me ask the hard questions

and answered them, best she knew.

‘Fascinating’ is what I’d called it,

when asked about it back home.

And she was, too,

though I never said it.

Except at the cemetery overlooking the river

when I wished her back

to see me enjoy the sweetness in my life,

to bring lightness when it poked;

and because the questions

have only gotten harder.

But mostly, to hear her ‘tickled’ laughter

one more time.

Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner

For Grandma.  Rest in peace, we so often rested in yours.

Submissions:  dVerse OpenLinkNight and Theme Thursday, Cemeteries

Baiting Hooks with Luke

At 9 years old

it’s funny how

half the bait slips off the hook

before it hits the water.

Plop.

A lonely barely-bit of bait,

not worth a triploid trout’s time, really—

makes it

into Rufus Woods Reservoir.

He shrugs, though, good enough—

just to get it out there,

sits down on the dusty rock

and waits

for a pulse on the line.

He owns this moment

as I watch him

smile a bit,

flick his foot in the water,

and gaze at the opposing hills;

while I wonder

what he’s thinking.

No more than half a minute goes by, and

tug—tug—tug.

‘Got one’ he says, not surprised, at all—

and begins reeling;

the rest of us look at each other,

shake our heads,

and laugh a bit in disbelief.

Something about

the faith of a child

to know you don’t have to

be perfect,

sometimes fish

are just hungry.

Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner

to be linking up with the amazing poets at dVerse Poets Pub this week

Never Lose the Ability to Get Lost

blonde and brown

heads bobbling

with energy

they, like arrows,

pierce the earth

with exuberance

never losing

their silly, boyish grins

as i watch them

jumping, bouncing

wrestling each other

on the trampoline

where they forget

brotherly offenses

i hope they never lose this

ability to get lost

in the moment

with laughter

and forgiveness

like dollops of rain

drenching the

thirsty onlookers

and me the memory of it

Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner

my boys and how they work things out, my favorite people to watch…meant to link up to Brian Miller’s people watching poetics prompt, 6 Billion Others at dVerse, but got busy and was too late…so I’ll be linking it to openlinknight

Paper Dolls, 1950’s Single Mother

butter she

mixed with sugar

and fed to us

on saltine crackers

we washed it down

with powdered milk

we were poor

we were rich

we didn’t know either

until we

went to school

and our dolls of paper,

worthless

to friends whose had

vinyl and mohair

and real clothes,

became priceless

because

she’d made

them all

by hand

for Mom and for Grandma (Elaine Rogers, 1926 – 2010)

Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner

added to The Poetry Pantry

Summer Crickets

we held them

in an empty jar

holes popped into the lid

trickling grasses

and bits of dirt

to make their new home

they were always gone

by morning

set free as we slept

by grandpa

saving them

for tomorrow’s hunt

Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner