In the scablands
I was his sour rose
made from the brittle peel
of a dark and shriveled lime.
I wore heartache on Tuesdays
and stilettos on workdays—
cradling my rusted pride
with strength just enough to throw halite
on the trail of slush
left by his insensate heart.
He simply laughed, depravedly,
Corona spraying from his nose,
until the sting
and watery-eyed regret
saw my frozen eyes, obsidian, indifferent—
to his suffering of half-drunk burns.
© 2013 Jennifer Wagner
For Laurie Kolp’s prompt at Poetry Jam.
*Halite-aka rock salt, used to melt ice.
*Mexican beer and lime can cause burn marks similar to
that of a jellyfish sting.
25 comments:
Hi Jennifer. This one really stings. Your word choice is so appropriate to the subject matter and the imagery you use, particularly the rock-salt image is crafted beautifully. Wonderful poetry my friend.
Emotive and powerful...watery-eyed regret, that stings indeed.
I wore heartache on Tuesdays
and stilettos on workdays—
dang, lines i wished i wrote, if i could get away saying i wore stilettos...ha....this is wicked good...the laughed depravedly, your imagery is spot on in this...
great final twist, Jennifer, and echoing Bri I like that couplet ~ M
Really like the intensity of this poem, Jennifer. " frozen eyes, obsidian, indifferent— " really draws the poem to a srtrong close!
.. 'cradling my rusted pride' is a great line ... I had a Corona list night with my dinner .. had to laugh at that line.
I can so relate to this poem. I know people who drink and the stings they toss and throw. Bittersweet is how it makes me feel. They don't remember...I do!
Wonderful poem~ YOU nailed it!
I wore heartache on Tuesdays
and stilettos on workdays—... so good ... love the images...ugh..the half drunk burns... quite some emotions woven into this
Oh yes, I have so been there - this is exactly how it is. It is a relief once one gets to the frozen eyes part. You totally nailed it, kiddo! I especially love the heartache and stilettos lines.
Rusted pride... that's great. I especially like:
I wore heartache on Tuesdays
and stilettos on workdays—
Wonderful vivid images in this. Thanks for sharing this.
Watery-eyed regret - Amazing words and beautiful images, this really tugs on the heart and soul.
This is excellent. Thank you for sharing it.
a work of art, your poem - i love
I wore heartache on Tuesdays
and stilettos on workday
Sharp poem! Stellar word choices.
My favorite parts - vivid and original:
In the scablands
I was his sour rose
and [as also is the case for several other readers!]
I wore heartache on Tuesdays
and stilettos on workdays—
Very strong poem, loved so many lines,really well done.
Haunting images in this piece, Jennifer. I thought, the lines:
cradling my rusted pride
with strength just enough to throw halite
on the trail of slush
left by his insensate heart
really captures the lethargic malevolence inherent in toxic relationships.
Wow! This definitely had "bite" to it. Great write!
"Poet Laundry" has been included in the Sites To See for this week. Be assured that I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.
http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2013/09/sites-to-see.html
This is wonderful, so descriptive, captivating lines. Love it Jennifer!
frozen eyes -- sooooo great! love this poem.
I wore heartache on Tuesdays
and stilettos on workdays—
Love that line! Jennifer--this is such a vivid and emotive write--really love it!
Jennifer, Wow! I love this, harsh stinging, scablands was really inspired as was trail of slush left by his insensate heart :-)
What an evocative poem. Well done!
Ouch! Painful but so full of powerful images that make the pain a pleasure to read ... love the lines 'cradling my rusted pride ... left by his insensate heart' - phew!
Post a Comment