Thursday, June 20, 2013

Twinkling in the Midnight Blue(s)



That flicker in the
spaces between quivered breaths
calls to me on quilted nights.

Like stars collected
in a jar of lidless hopes,
each dark sky births want of you.



© 2013 Jennifer Wagner


This is my attempt at a Sedoka for dVerse Form for All:  The Princess’ Poem to her Secret Love.  Poet and host Samuel Peralta has invited us to try this rare form of unrhymed Japanese poetry consisting of two tercets with a scheme of 5-7-7 and 5-7-7 syllables.

25 comments:

Janine Bollée said...

Love the qu words you inserted here: such good combinations.
lidless jar: does that mean the hopes can get in are unfulfilled or the opposite?

Vandana Sharma said...

Lovely and very nicely done

brudberg said...

Alliterations work so great in the first stanza and a jar of lidless hopes is a great phrase. Love what you do with the form..

Lisa A. Williams said...

Beautiful!

Scarlet said...

I like that flickering space & breath ~ Great imagery in the second stanza, stars in a jar/dark sky birthing ~

Brian Miller said...

oo i like the jar of stars & lidless hopes....and how you give that even more feeling in the last line....very nicely done to form...

Laurie Kolp said...

Striking... I just love this!!

Anonymous said...

"That flicker in the
spaces between quivered breaths
calls to me on quilted nights." deliciously poetic !!
Then it gets even better in the second stanza with fabulous ending, awesome !!

Wolfsrosebud said...

I do like those quilted nights... sweet dreams

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written.

Abruvanamedsly said...

Like stars collected
in a jar of lidless hopes,
each dark sky births want of you


Love these lines...felt.

Anonymous said...

This is just perfect, Jennifer. A keeper, for sure.

Semaphore said...

Oh wow, that last line is almost, almost perfect - on a musical, linguistic and thematic basis, I'd change "each" to "the" (yes, I am obsessive about the 'perfect' word) - so perfect that I felt a great desire to steal it!

What a wonderful theme of longing, presaged from the title, through the hesitant first verse, to the declaration of the second verse and that wonderful conclusion of the darkness that "births want of you". Gorgeous!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

You take me to unexpected places, in a way that I love. :)

Unknown said...

A gorgeous arrangement of words, especially the "jar of lidless hopes".

Truedessa said...

This was filled with imagery..I would like to have a lidless jar filled with stars..what a lovely thought.

Anonymous said...

Sigh.....This is a perfectly written poem of longing so true to the sedoka in form and in spirit! Loved this!Sedoka -A Summer Love Poem

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this a lot. Very well done.
Like stars collected
in a jar of lidless hopes
That's a great pair of lines there- very memorable. -Mike

Walt Wojtanik said...

"...a jar of lidless hopes," This is a great line. Wabisabipoet has it right. You've captured the true spirit here!

Anonymous said...

So much longing in this. Beautiful.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Such gorgeous writing Jennifer--I especially like the jar of lidless hopes--just beautiful!

Magyar said...

These words
__Belong to you;
Slightly adjusted
__To form haiku.

Just an echo, to your fine thought. _m

stars collection
each dark sky's birth sends to you
lidless jar of dreams

Optimistic Existentialist said...

You always have one line that stands out so much. This time it was "a jar of lidless hopes". Beautiful.

Anonymous said...

oh...that last line..filled with such longing *sigh*
just loved this, Jennifer~

Rajesh said...

Too good for words. I just gaze at the night sky and it brings a smile.