i wish to
shed this skin
of pain
of discontent
like a clinging, wrinkled
dress
crumpled
rolled around in
and pulled—
s c r a p e d
o f f
w
i
g
g
l
e
d
out of
twisted
at my ankles
and dropped
like my
eyelids—
to drool into
the hair
of your chest
the pads
of your fingers
in that place
in the groove
of my back
hearing
no voices
and feeling
only
the breath
of your hungry mouth
satisfied
Copyright 2013 Jennifer Wagner
I'll be linking to dVerse with the amazing poets who gather there for OpenLinkNight.
59 comments:
Warm, sensuous, full of fun and beautifully done. Just the job for a snowy, icy morning! Brilliant. Thanks.
Love the wiggling bit! (made me wiggle in sympathy)
A very tender,sensual poem. Beautifully done!
LOVE this, Jennifer! the visual aspect is wonderful and the sensuality carries the transition from your opening "of pain and discontent" to the ending beautifully!
♥
Agree that the visual aspect of the poem really brings it to life. Wonderful development of imagery as you progress this. Really liked "dropped like my eyelids". Great to read your work as always :)
I LOVE how you structured this. Especially the word "Wiggled".
Slough, after Mud Blossom, Two poems that spring from swampy ground, yet so different. Each so vivid in it's independence of thought. I loved them both on their own, but love them more back to back.
whew this builds into a nice heat....not sure on the use of drool...i got hung up there on the first reading...three is a nice build to this...
Great sensual words.
oh i like...a place of safety and comfort in the arms of the loved one...love the images...the wiggled part...wonderful...
Ah, that kind of Slough - I misread it initially for the town of Slough... But obviously something very different. A very visual and sensuous poem.
A wonderful compliment to me especially since I consider you to be a brilliant poet. Thanks so much.
ha :-) thanks pd!
Lisa, thank you very much. Always appreciate your words...
Thank you very much Dani!
Thanks Keith! Always love your comments :-)
...and it's always great to read yours as well!
Thanks Donald! I appreciate you reading them both. I was coming from the definition of 'slough' as in 'to slough off, cast off, shed' but I can see it working the other way too due to the element of the noun in which it also means 'a condition of degradation, despair, or helplessness.' I do like your perspective as well. I so appreciate you leaving your thoughts.
ha...I guess I drool a bit when I'm in the place of perfect comfort and peace on hubby's chest. I did consider transitioning into that stanza with an additional stanza prior to it. Something to think about...
Thanks much anthony :)
There's a town called Slough? Thanks for coming by Marina :)
Love it when you 'like' :-) I most definitely 'like' your piece this OLN as well...hope your loved one is feeling better...
Oh...very nicely done! And I only blushed a little bit ;)
Wonderful sensuality here, Jennifer.
Tender and sensual...lovely!
this felt so warming and deeply sensual as i read and recited. love your poetics, Jennifer~
looks like you had fun with this structure
;) Thanks Tash!
Thank you Mary, always appreciate your visits.
Thank you lovely ayala.
...and I love yours!
Tried something just a bit different for me :)
fabulous! love the wriggled, and the way the whole poem draws you down into that lovely ending!
I truly do love those times with you, even if you tend to slightly drool....lol. Great work honey!
I like the placement of the words and the intimacy at the end ~ Good work here ~
Love the originality with the layout, as well as the warmth and sensuality it exudes. As always, masterfully done. :)
Wow, sensual is the only word that come to mind. Amazing job
from pain to bliss in so many lines - wonderfully expressed, & i loved the way shape reflected words & sentiments
Jennifer, the form of this--the words and shapes matching your thoughts. And well, the intimacy at the end. A remarkable picture.
I am so flattered you think so Kelly! Always happy to have your thoughts :-)
Love them too...and it's not that much drool ;)
Thanks so much Heather...had a little fun with this one!
Thanks Gretchen, appreciate your thoughts!
Ruth, thank you so much. Your words are a wonderful compliment to me :)
Jody thank you! Good to see you :)
Love this - every aspect - beautiful
I really like the structure of this poem. Very sensual and great ending :)
The directness of this piece is appealing. I would like to see it broken into two separate poems, just after eyelids. Each section feels like it needs its own stage!
Now that's the way to shed an attitude. Just love the metaphor.
I'm honored marousia-thank you!
Glad you do! Thanks for saying so :-)
Two separate poems for each to have it's own stage...kind and constructive of you to say Kim.
Amen. ;) Margaret Bednar! Great to see you :-)
This is so sensuous. At first I thought you were referring to an old body wanting to be shed, but obviously your concept here is much more imaginative. Really enjoyed this.
Loved the "wiggled" word play & all the intimate images in this.
I wouldn't mind having a new body lol...so glad you enjoyed, thanks for commenting on it.
Appreciate your visit Alex, and your comment! :-)
Really! You go from shedding your skin like a snake does and how you wound it up on such a sensual note! I love this one! Because I actually feel this way too, about 'the pads of fingers in that place in the groove of my back'. ;)
Well, thank you Chhavi!
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