Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Newly Fallen White



Her skirt of scarlet pulled
from the ankle;

as she hastened her steps
breath rose in forms of smoky blue.

Stopping cold on broken twigs
frozen in fairy tale,

she peered upward. Snow fell
with no cloud in the sky.

How soon lovers forsake the
faithful whispers of moonlight;

cooing birds shutter, flutter
and blur the lines with tears.

She’d only wanted one to love her,
but tragic oaths of mutilated promise                 

breed an anemic beast hungry for
a burning, scorching bite.

The milky air
washed invisible the copse of antiquity

while her lips turned aubergine
against the newly fallen white of frosty vows.

She squeezed the fruit and
licked the juice of indiscretion

with no pleasure.



Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner

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54 comments:

Mary said...

Sad when love at first seeming so wonderful becomes something that gives no pleasure at all! A strong write here!

hedgewitch said...

Love the use of color in this--it's very impressionistic and vivid.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the description of this as "vivid." It is indeed. Vivid in its cold bleak tale of the truth.

Unknown said...

Color! Color! Color! I envisioned them all, felt a little green with envy of the protagonist's ability to abandon and enjoy, then felt blue for her inevitable disappointment in herself. This piece is a masterfully woven tapestry.

Brian Miller said...

oy...indisgression often leaves us far more empty that the fulfilling we dream in to be...love the little touches...even right from the get go with the image of the exposed ankle...

Daydreamertoo said...

Darn, I wanted to pick out a favourite line but, am so spoiled for choice. Love it all!
This I really liked very much:
How soon lovers forsake the
faithful whispers of moonlight;
A really very lovely, sad, poem beautiful imagery.

Serena said...

She’d only wanted one to love her,
but tragic oaths of mutilated promise

breed an anemic beast hungry for
a burning, scorching bite.

Ouch... I could feel the bite which was sharpened with the last three lines. Powerful write... it is sad when promises are broken, when love fades or burns off... especially for the one who just wanted to be loved... and you've captured this masterfully... I want a word to describe how your poem made me feel and I can't find one... just wow... (you can tell I'm a poet, eh????)

ayala said...

Love these lines... cooing birds shutter, flutter
and blur the lines with tears....and love the use of color. Great!

Claudia said...

so sad...great use of images and color..the scarlet skirt..snow...

Scarlet said...

I love the colors too ~ And that last stanza bites in my tongue ~ Lovely share ~

Laurie Kolp said...

Vivid and very touching...

flaubert said...

Jennifer, this is quite vivid. I love the ending ...
"She squeezed the fruit and
licked the juice of indiscretion

with no pleasure."

Spectacular,

Pamela

Anonymous said...

"... her lips turned aubergine
against the newly fallen white of frosty vows."

Those broken promises falling away bring tears to my eyes.

Thanks for sharing such a vibrant poem.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks for the compliment Mary!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Really glad you like those elements hedge. I always appreciate your thoughts.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Annette, appreciate your comment.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Love your use of color words in your comment! And I'm so honored by your compliment--thank you.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Well said. Thank you Brian, appreciate your words!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you very much! Really honored you enjoyed it!

Jennifer Wagner said...

"Wow" is good, I like it. Thank you so much for your lovely comment Serena, always appreciate them for sure.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks very much ayala--for your visit and your kind comment!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks very much Claudia!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Heaven, glad you enjoyed it, thank you!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks for visiting Laurie, and for your kind comment.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you very much, a valued compliment indeed.

Jennifer Wagner said...

rumours--so glad you felt the piece, thanks so much for commenting!

Lisa Williams said...

What a wonderful poem! Your work never ceases to amaze me. You describe in such vivid verse, how something so warm and tender can transform into something so cold and shattering.

RMP said...

what a crazy...beautiful...mystical...piece. you paint a perfect picture with the colors and sounds.

kaykuala said...

There's so much love to look forward to. But devoid of fondness it is such a letdown. Vivid with colors,yes very much so! Nicely!

Hank

Jennifer Wagner said...

Lisa- thank you so much. That really means a lot to me especially because I consider you to be a fantastic poet.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you so much RMP, really a great compliment to me.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks so much Hank, kind of you to comment.

Susan said...

"breath rose in forms of smoky blue.

Stopping cold on broken twigs
frozen in fairy tale,

she peered upward."

WOW! scarlet and then blue and white and . . .
to be frozen in fairy tale! Oh she must break loose whether or not there is pleasure, unless she is also a fairytale character. I sense she is not.

"while her lips turned aubergine
against the newly fallen white of frosty vows."

Suddenly she is really freezing! Are the 3 drops a way to hasten death? Or is she Persephone, able to travel back and forth from an underworld foisted upon her? I actually find the mystery more compelling than answers!

Unknown said...

love all thee imagery in here, especially those that are sense oriented. Really nicely done. Thanks

Jennifer Wagner said...

I love how you read my piece Susan! Thanks so much for your thoughtful response to it! You made me even more impelled to continue her story.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Fred--I'm really glad you enjoyed that element of the write!

rch said...

Very intense and I also like how you used color here to show the spectrum of love.

Dennis Go said...

This is just too damn good. The images! The vivid color! The heartache! Nice one!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Incredible - the aubergine lips......the white snow....and the closing three lines? OMG!

Abin Chakraborty said...

I love how the tone changes midway and becomes so poignant towards the conclusion.

Sarav said...

A powerful poem! Loved "How soon lovers forsake the faithful whispers of moonlight" Nice!

ScottlB said...

Very nice poem especially like this part

"How soon lovers forsake the
faithful whispers of moonlight"

Enjoyed it

Jotter Girl said...

So descriptively beautiful. Frosty vows was my favorite part.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Wow! Very powerful poem!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I too love your use pf colour in this.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks rch, glad to have you comment!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Dennis, thank you very much, glad you enjoyed!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Sherry--very much :-)

Jennifer Wagner said...

Abin, thanks for your comment!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thank you Sara, I appreciate your words!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks for commenting Tatius, I'm glad you enjoyed the piece.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks very much Mad!

Jennifer Wagner said...

Thanks Rosemary, glad you like it.

Jennifer Wagner said...

Jotter Girl, thank you. "Frosty vows" was the kernel that started me on this write--glad you like it.