Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Newly Fallen White



Her skirt of scarlet pulled
from the ankle;

as she hastened her steps
breath rose in forms of smoky blue.

Stopping cold on broken twigs
frozen in fairy tale,

she peered upward. Snow fell
with no cloud in the sky.

How soon lovers forsake the
faithful whispers of moonlight;

cooing birds shutter, flutter
and blur the lines with tears.

She’d only wanted one to love her,
but tragic oaths of mutilated promise                 

breed an anemic beast hungry for
a burning, scorching bite.

The milky air
washed invisible the copse of antiquity

while her lips turned aubergine
against the newly fallen white of frosty vows.

She squeezed the fruit and
licked the juice of indiscretion

with no pleasure.



Copyright 2012 Jennifer Wagner

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54 comments:

  1. Sad when love at first seeming so wonderful becomes something that gives no pleasure at all! A strong write here!

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  2. Love the use of color in this--it's very impressionistic and vivid.

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    1. Really glad you like those elements hedge. I always appreciate your thoughts.

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  3. I agree with the description of this as "vivid." It is indeed. Vivid in its cold bleak tale of the truth.

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  4. Color! Color! Color! I envisioned them all, felt a little green with envy of the protagonist's ability to abandon and enjoy, then felt blue for her inevitable disappointment in herself. This piece is a masterfully woven tapestry.

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    1. Love your use of color words in your comment! And I'm so honored by your compliment--thank you.

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  5. oy...indisgression often leaves us far more empty that the fulfilling we dream in to be...love the little touches...even right from the get go with the image of the exposed ankle...

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    1. Well said. Thank you Brian, appreciate your words!

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  6. Darn, I wanted to pick out a favourite line but, am so spoiled for choice. Love it all!
    This I really liked very much:
    How soon lovers forsake the
    faithful whispers of moonlight;
    A really very lovely, sad, poem beautiful imagery.

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    1. Thank you very much! Really honored you enjoyed it!

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  7. She’d only wanted one to love her,
    but tragic oaths of mutilated promise

    breed an anemic beast hungry for
    a burning, scorching bite.

    Ouch... I could feel the bite which was sharpened with the last three lines. Powerful write... it is sad when promises are broken, when love fades or burns off... especially for the one who just wanted to be loved... and you've captured this masterfully... I want a word to describe how your poem made me feel and I can't find one... just wow... (you can tell I'm a poet, eh????)

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    1. "Wow" is good, I like it. Thank you so much for your lovely comment Serena, always appreciate them for sure.

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  8. Love these lines... cooing birds shutter, flutter
    and blur the lines with tears....and love the use of color. Great!

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    1. Thanks very much ayala--for your visit and your kind comment!

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  9. so sad...great use of images and color..the scarlet skirt..snow...

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  10. I love the colors too ~ And that last stanza bites in my tongue ~ Lovely share ~

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    1. Thanks for visiting Laurie, and for your kind comment.

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  12. Jennifer, this is quite vivid. I love the ending ...
    "She squeezed the fruit and
    licked the juice of indiscretion

    with no pleasure."

    Spectacular,

    Pamela

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  13. "... her lips turned aubergine
    against the newly fallen white of frosty vows."

    Those broken promises falling away bring tears to my eyes.

    Thanks for sharing such a vibrant poem.

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    1. rumours--so glad you felt the piece, thanks so much for commenting!

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  14. What a wonderful poem! Your work never ceases to amaze me. You describe in such vivid verse, how something so warm and tender can transform into something so cold and shattering.

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    1. Lisa- thank you so much. That really means a lot to me especially because I consider you to be a fantastic poet.

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  15. what a crazy...beautiful...mystical...piece. you paint a perfect picture with the colors and sounds.

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    1. Thank you so much RMP, really a great compliment to me.

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  16. There's so much love to look forward to. But devoid of fondness it is such a letdown. Vivid with colors,yes very much so! Nicely!

    Hank

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  17. "breath rose in forms of smoky blue.

    Stopping cold on broken twigs
    frozen in fairy tale,

    she peered upward."

    WOW! scarlet and then blue and white and . . .
    to be frozen in fairy tale! Oh she must break loose whether or not there is pleasure, unless she is also a fairytale character. I sense she is not.

    "while her lips turned aubergine
    against the newly fallen white of frosty vows."

    Suddenly she is really freezing! Are the 3 drops a way to hasten death? Or is she Persephone, able to travel back and forth from an underworld foisted upon her? I actually find the mystery more compelling than answers!

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    1. I love how you read my piece Susan! Thanks so much for your thoughtful response to it! You made me even more impelled to continue her story.

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  18. love all thee imagery in here, especially those that are sense oriented. Really nicely done. Thanks

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    1. Thanks Fred--I'm really glad you enjoyed that element of the write!

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  19. Very intense and I also like how you used color here to show the spectrum of love.

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  20. This is just too damn good. The images! The vivid color! The heartache! Nice one!

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  21. Incredible - the aubergine lips......the white snow....and the closing three lines? OMG!

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  22. I love how the tone changes midway and becomes so poignant towards the conclusion.

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  23. A powerful poem! Loved "How soon lovers forsake the faithful whispers of moonlight" Nice!

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  24. Very nice poem especially like this part

    "How soon lovers forsake the
    faithful whispers of moonlight"

    Enjoyed it

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    1. Thanks for commenting Tatius, I'm glad you enjoyed the piece.

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  25. So descriptively beautiful. Frosty vows was my favorite part.

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    1. Jotter Girl, thank you. "Frosty vows" was the kernel that started me on this write--glad you like it.

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Thank you for your thoughts!